Day: May 7, 2018

#UpbeatAuthors: Self Esteem

I just finished reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck. In the chapter on self-esteem, the author examines the late 20th century trend to make everyone feel better about themselves about everything: participation awards, trophies, grade inflation, etc.  The mantra was “every single one of us can be exceptional and massively successful.” A whole industry grew up around this theory.

Common sense tells us, “maybe not.” The author observed: “adversity and failure are actually useful and even necessary for developing strong-minded and successful adults.” He also posits, “A true and accurate measurement of one’s self-worth is how people feel about the negative aspects of themselves.” If you feel good about yourself, even when you’re messing up everything, you develop a false sense of competency. That is not self-esteem; it’s entitlement.

Not one of us is entitled to anything. We all have room for self-improvement.

Besides: who gets to define success for me? For you?

We can’t all be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. I do not have the skills or inclination to be a brain surgeon, an auto mechanic, or a plumber. Nor am I suited to be an executive. I don’t need the current definition of success. Every day I see people stressed because their self-esteem can’t take not being “the best”,  being on the fast track to…somewhere.  Why? So they can eventually relax and retire? I’m all for relaxing right now, while I can still enjoy it. My self-esteem doesn’t need the false glorification of other people’s opinions and decisions.

My goal at this point in my life is to be content.

  • I don’t want a corporate career. I had one. I had a very cool one. It went away; I moved on.
  • I’ve always wanted to be a published author. Now I am one. While best seller status would be wonderful, it isn’t necessary to make me content.
  • I like my day job. Yes, there are frustrations. Yes, there are things I can do better in it. Each time I master a new aspect of my job, I feel positive about my ability to adapt. Frustrations simply mean I’m human, with human responses.

Self esteem shouldn’t be wrapped up in what you are. There’s an update to an old (offensive) saying: “Too many coaches, not enough players.” To which my self-esteem responds: “Hey! I’ll warm the bench.” That’s not low self-esteem talking. It’s the voice of a woman who’s comfortable with herself and has nothing to prove to anyone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sound Of Silence

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Shakespeare wrote: “It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”

Paul Simon wrote: “the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence.”

Thomas Carlyle wrote: “Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.”

We, as a society, have forgotten silence. Humans need silence to recharge our minds, reconnect with our intuition, and hone our creativity. Stillness reduces stress.

Studies suggest that chronic noise increases the body’s production of cortisol, also known as the ‘fight-or-flight’ hormone. Elevated levels of cortisol can cause high blood pressure and heart disease, possibly increase abdominal fat, and impairs mental performance.

When was the last time you sat without music, without your computer humming, without TV, without speaking?

  • Try your morning routines without the radio or TV. Save the weather and traffic reports for later. Morning is when cortisol levels are highest, so silence when you first wake up helps start the day right.
  • Play music only when giving it your full attention. Don’t use the radio as background noise while you cook, clean, or putter around your house.
  • Turn off the TV if you’re not watching.
  • Walk. Leave your mp3 player at home. Observe what is going on around you.
  • Eat in silence. Focus on the flavors, textures, and colors of your meal. You may find yourself eating less while increasing your enjoyment.
  • Silence breaks, especially if you work in a noisy environment. Even if you have to sit in your car for 10 minutes, try to find a place where you can be quiet and absorb the silence around you.
  • Silence your technology. Periodically turn off the ‘bells & whistles’ on your gadgets as a reprieve.

Listen to the silence.

 

 

 

 

New to America

My particular branch of the county library system “serves the city’s most ethnically and racially diverse population.” According to the website: “The library’s basement houses an English Language Literacy Lab for those interested in learning or improving their English language skills. We also have immigration, ESOL and citizenship resources in various formats for the adult learner.”

The people who work at the library are endlessly patient and helpful to everyone.

A few weeks ago, I popped in on my lunch hour to pick up a book I’d placed on hold. The man in front of me was clearly an immigrant. Once he received his brand new library card, he asked, “How much?” and pointed to a rack of DVDs.

“You can take out up to ten at a time,” the library employee said.

“No, no,” he replied. “How much? Money?”

“Oh, no money. You can borrow them for free.”

“All?”

“Yes, all. Books, movies, music…you can borrow everything for free.”

The look of utter amazement on this man’s face is something I will never forget.

And he reminded how blessed I am to live in a place where my tax dollars allow me to have the world at my fingertips through my local library.

I Wish You Would Read…

I inherited my love of reading from my grandma and my mom. Most of my cousins are voracious readers, too.

We used to read a lot of gothic romance back in the day. One of my favorite books–and it’s the book that actually turned my sister into a reader–is by Anya Seton. Many of you may be familiar with Anya Seton because author Barbara Samuel is enamored of Seton’s Green Darkness. And Green Darkness is a wonderful book. Seton has written many wonderful books.

But not one of them is as wonderful as her Dragonwyck. Dragonwyck is a gothic historical romance taking place in the manor-system of the Hudson Valley before, during, and after the American Civil War. If I hadn’t read this book, I never would have known about this northern version of sharecropping. It certainly wasn’t taught in the New York State History classes we took in school.

I wish everyone who loves a meaty historical story and a great romance would read this book.

 

 

The Organized Writer, Part 1

Last year, I tried to organize my Day Runner, leftover from my Important Day Job, into something that would work for me as a writer. (You can read about it here.)

The result: I’m not happy with the system. The Day Runner is just too bulky for my current life situation.

Last week, one of my publishers’ author loop started talking about systems for organizing. Several electronic versions were mentioned, as were some non-digital methods. I am intrigued and am investigating.

I have switched all of my electronic calendars to Google calendars. My iPhone wouldn’t play nice with the Kindle Fire, which wouldn’t play nice with whatever my laptop is using–the Chromos urged me to go to Google. And I do like it. Now I can enter an appointment on my phone and it shows up every else I need it to show up.

The next step is to think about what I really need from a planner.